The Wallace Tournament on Saturday was a resounding success. Children from the Lusaka SIA programmes where the UK IDEALS students have been coaching and mentoring came together to play football, basketball, netball and volleyball in Munali. Competition was determined and intense but also, something that really struck me, it was characterised by fairness and inclusivity; for instance, substitutions were common and there was total acceptance when a stronger player was replaced by a less strong one. I am not sure I always experience such an attitude even amongst the veteran teams that I now play for!

However, another thing that struck me was how much of challenge is posed for education when the children are exposed to posters like the one below. This extract from a larger poster, which was covered in messages of similar such rubbish, was on the hut where the children went to get treats during the tournament. How difficult is it to teach a message of sexual health and responsibility when so-called role models (a bishop in this case) sprout drivel like this? This is exploitation of a most sad and infuriating extreme and I only wish societies would legislate against these individuals and organisations, ideally with example length sentences. The harm they will continue to do in the meantime is untold.

Posted in 2013

Even though it has been a short week in Zambia (owing to the Heroes’ Holiday last weekend), this week has seen the start of work proper for me here. I have been reviewing sponsorship and fundraising activities for Sport in Action, including assessing the events and rights they have to offer, and have also started to make contact with various Zambian and multinational companies here in Lusaka.

Whilst my main focus is to help Sport in Action, I am also hoping my skills and experience will be of wider benefit at both grass roots and elite level. Of particular note, I met with the President of the Zambian National Olympic Committee, Mrs Miriam Moyo (http://www.olympic.org/zambia), too this week and we are planning a sponsorship workshop for the NOC and the National Federations that they support and represent. This has brought me back onto familiar turf from my time at LOCOG with discussions about the TOP sponsorship programme and the global economic climate.

With many ideas to start working on and conscious that I am only here for another 8 weeks, I got up today hoping to make lots of progress only to be flummoxed by what I am told is a fairly regular happening: a city wide power cut, which also knocked out the water supplies. Six hours later, work could start once more (which of course coincided with the beginning of the weekend!). TIA.

On the plus side, I am the proud owner of a new bicycle for commuting (which I fear might be a character building experience) and I have the (Welsh) rugby and a run with the Lusaka Hash House Harriers to look forward to this weekend. There is also the first Wallace Tournament, the competition that pits the different schools in Lusaka where SIA runs programmes against each other. Each of the IDEALS students in the first wave of UK students this summer has spent the last five weeks coaching and preparing their teams in football, netball, volleyball and basketball. Tomorrow, they pit their wits against each other as budding Sir Alex’s and Phil Jackson’s in Munali as the children seek to emulate Tracy Neville and Malgorzata Glinka-Mogentale (yes, I had to look that one up!) in their chosen sport. It should be great fun.

Finally, another image from a visit to one of the programmes here to show you how much the kids enjoy dancing with a mzungo!

Posted in 2013

I landed in Zambia on Monday and was greeted by Frankson Mushindu and George Kakomwe from Sport in Action, with whom I will be working for the next two months. This week is a week of introductions: meeting the rest of the team at SIA; meeting Clement Chileshe at the Olympic Youth Development Centre; meeting the team of UK students here with UK Sport’s IDEALS programme, etc.

Yesterday, I visited the Fountain of Hope, where SIA run sports programmes in basketball, football, netball and volleyball, and which offers an education, and sometimes a home, for boys living on the streets in Lusaka; some photos can be found here – Fountain Of Hope Zambia. It was a good insight into the work that SIA do as well as to understand why it makes a difference to those who experience the sports programmes. It was pretty humbling at times, for instance seeing where the extremely vulnerable children, who are often found without any known relatives, live. The roof, food, education, sport and love that the children receive here gives these children a chance, sometimes a first chance.

Whilst not typical I am told of the work that SIA generally does, it is clearly a place that chimes naturally with the values that SIA promotes; of particular interest to me, having finished a sporting session, the children often sit down to discuss an aspect of sport that they have learnt and the context for their wider education – for instance, the importance of fair play on the field is then discussed with reference to other aspects of their young lives. As I said, pretty moving stuff.

I am off to see a different type of programme entirely today and then some competition involving teams coached by SIA over the weekend in Livingstone. By then, I hope to have enough background to have a better understanding of where my assistance will help during the next two months. Should you wish to support these programmes, please use the link below to donate to the Perfect Day Foundation.

@perfectday123   @zambiaprojectuk   @INt_INspiration

http://www.justgiving.com/Mark-Scholey

Posted in 2013

An amazing sign appeared in London recently. The “considerate builder scheme” sign announced that workmen around the capital are going to try to become better neighbours by keeping noise and disruption to a minimum (and attempt to curtail their melodic appreciation of passing skirts, presumably). Have we really reached the state of such litigiousness that we have to institute such schemes in order to assure the passing Meldrews that there is a genuine effort to reduce the likelihood of builders’ inconsideration? I’d love to know the instructions that the builders go through, many of whom have probably spent several years in blissful ignorance or apathy to their perceived inconsideration – “Terry, dear, do try to drop those bricks less loudly will you, please?” and, “Dave, you do realise that not all passing ladies are partial to tuneful accompaniment.” Yeah, that should work.

Two adverts on the radio recently encouraged my feelings of incredulity and frustration that have come with our increasing realisation that we are living in a litigious world. We have all been amazed at how coffee comes in cups with a warning that the, “contents are hot”, and that packets of nuts might, “contain nuts”. Well, here are another two.

The first is for Nicotinel, the product that tries to help people to give up smoking. The ensuing legal bollocks states that their product, “requires willpower”. Really – oh damn. And I thought I could simply apply this patch, despite the fact that I really would like to continue smoking and I just bought 400 cigarettes on a cross channel ferry, and then I would simply give up. I’d love to see the potential legal suit which might have forced this additional caveat. “It’s all Nicotinel’s fault. They owe me lots of money because they didn’t point out that I required any willpower whatsoever. If only I had known, I would never have bought their product in the first place, which actually constituted all the willpower that I was willing (or able) to spare.” I’m sure the judge would be understanding…

The second advert was for Durex Performer Condoms. The legal babble for this advert states that this product, “might help to improve performance.” Again, the potential law suit is intriguing. “I would like to bring this case against Durex, who stated that their condoms would help to improve my performance. I was duped. I am still as useless as I always was.” Cue fits of giggles amongst judge and jury, who then ask the individual to present the star witness(es). She / He / They then attest that, despite his bar room chat and general bravado, the individual in question had, quite frankly, just not lived up to expectations and was, as he says, “as rubbish as before”. [The chap looks regretfully at his boots and sighs mournfully] The litigant’s mother could then appear to state the shame and humiliation that had been brought upon the family name, before breaking down in tears unable to look at her son. Luckily, Nicotinel and Durex have now covered their own backs… which is clearly a good thing as we couldn’t possibly have a world where everyone wasn’t looking to sue everyone else.

So, if we shouldn’t be able to sue for this sort of bollox, what should we be suing for? Well, I have a suggestion: how about crap service on the trains? [Service, n. – a facility providing the public with the use of something, such as water or transportation.] The “use of something”, eh? Well, might I be able to sue then when my daily commute was more than doubled for the first two weeks of January, causing me to be late for work and late for home? You’d think so, wouldn’t you? Or, as Baldrick might say, “is that just litigious gobblychook”?

Posted January 19th 2004

At this merry time of year, it is customary to engage in a few tried and trusted traditions, such as eating turkey, kissing under the mistletoe and being tolerant of relatives. However, having recently returned from the US again, and having had a little trouble sleeping until I had truly saturated my system with food and drink, I decided to attempt to resolve my insomnia by… counting sheep, of course. Where the bloody hell does this custom come from? Who was the first person who, upon experiencing a similar dilemma, not only dismissed other ideas but also hit upon the idea of counting jumping sheep? Not only did this person realise that it worked (for them, at least), but they were also capable of remembering this revelation in the morning. This must have then been the same person who, without presumably any hint of embarrassment, thought it was a good idea to tell other people about their eureka like discovery and their friends / family, far from being perturbed by this invention, remarked at what a wonderful trick they had discovered and proceeded to spread the gospel so that the rest of us poor sods could benefit from such wisdom.

Of course, certain elements of this custom are left to the individuals’ imagination, so the sheep may: jump from right to left, or not; be in 3D, or not; be in cartoon form, or not; etc. I’m sure psychologists could have a field day with the insight into our characters that could be drawn from analysing these personal variations, but the fundamental questions of who and why remain. They have a lot to answer for.

Which all got me thinking about other things to which we have become accustomed. Especially at Xmas, the pose factor relating to certain shopping bags is evident. No longer is it socially acceptable to partake in shopping activities without being gifted the customary poncey bag, complete with rope for a handle. Heaven forbid the social humiliation caused by returning from one’s shopping excursion with a plastic bag, one needs to walk proudly down the high street with as many little paper and rope numbers as possible. Of course, the fact that these bags can usefully be recycled as style accessories for the next few weeks is an added attraction and will, it is hoped, lead to the inevitable question of what you have been buying at such a venerable institution, so you can regale your, “oh, it’s funny you should mention it…”, once more. Admittedly, these bags are more environmentally friendly than the plastic bag, which is presumably the primary, if not sole, reason why the shops have supported this practice with such gusto in recent years, but I like the Scandinavian idea of taking your own bags shopping and then filling these, thereby reducing waste itself, and not merely the conundrum between trees and oil. But how would the retailers manage without the free advertising? I, for one, care deeply.

And as for the other customs most evident at this time of year: faking satisfaction at the receipt of certain inevitable gifts; receiving gifts that should not be seen by one’s grandmother; returning Xmas presents you don’t like / don’t fit; storing unreturnable Xmas presents to give as future presents; the annual phone conversation with relatives to say thank you for yet another present you didn’t want in the first place; and eating too much and not leaving room for pudding (or maybe that’s just me?). Then, at last, the feeling that, except for the turkey, Xmas is over again.

Which brings me to my final custom, that of new year resolutions. The radio this morning informed me that three quarters of us will make resolutions this year and that a third of these will have been broken before January 2nd. What wonderful strength of will we have. But then, perhaps, the custom is flawed by creating the false impression that the difficulties that will be caused by getting the date wrong for most of January mark a watershed that will allow us to make such drastic changes in our lives. Which, presumably, is the same reason why we also make resolutions when we get back from holidays, most of which, I guess, rarely make it past unpacking.

My new year’s resolution? I flirted with the idea of making a resolution not to make resolutions, but that proved far too confusing. So, I settled upon: To never let my alcoholic and / or food saturation levels fall far enough to warrant counting sheep again…

Happy New Year, everyone. Sleep well.

Posted December 30th 2003

Having joined the company a whole three years ago, I have recently found myself in the unusual position of working in my home location of London. And, I am happy to report that, after three months of commuting, my train recently arrived on time for the FOURTH occasion. Now, this might not seem like quality client service, but I am sure it will come as no surprise to you that the local train company measure the service that they provide and, technically it seems, a train is not late unless it is… very late. Anything less than, say, ten minutes, is clearly not deemed to be late and hence they do not forfeit any of their crucial profits, for which I will spare you my thoughts on the privatisation of services.

So, statistically, the train company provides an excellent service. And statistics are clearly the most important means of measuring quality. Statistically, Britain’s children are currently becoming more intelligent each year, Britain’s hospital waiting lists are decreasing, and crime is falling too. Brilliant; what a wonderful country I live in. Of course, statistically, Leicester City are fourth in the league and England recently finished third in the rugby world cup (if you choose to measure fair play and try count respectively).

As you can see, statistics can be misleading, depending on what you choose to measure of course, but I see a greater evil; in this age, at least part of the lack of job loyalty must be attributable to the lack of trust that management invest in their staff. Surely, the more you try to measure people and set targets endlessly, the less the opportunity for innovation and personality (actually, as an example, I recently got overcharged in a bloody newsagents and was then completely unable to get a refund as the till was run automatically, all so that management can control stock – this isn’t progress, it’s crap service). How demoralised will employees become in this context? Well, how often has your office seemed to resemble Wernum and Hogg?

Another example of crap service is the road works at Vauxhall. These have been going on for years it seems and, as I walk past each day, I try to see what progress has been made. Now, if they started to measure things like the number of hours of scratching one’s arse or the percentage of tea consumed whilst not on a break, they would be a truly successful organisation; number of bricks laid in a week might reveal them for what they are. As a juxtaposition, when in the US, signs went up one day warning to expect traffic delays as a result of road works near my flat. Fearing months of disruption, I returned from work on the first day of the works to a most unusual site for a Briton – there were over a hundred workers working (no, that’s not oxymoronic)… Day 2, the work was finished. Why do we have to put up with such bollox in this country?

Which brings me to my last point about how wonderful the recent rugby victory was, and not a little bit un-English. It really has been tremendously unfashionable for the English to flirt with anything remotely related to sporting success for a long time, which might make the victory even more sweet (although we are still very good at comedy and music). Now it would be very easy to criticise all of the people who have sought to revel in Johno’s victory, but I am not going to do that as I think it is ultimately very good for rugby that this many people are finding out more about the game, and I hope it lasts.

However, the fact that our prime minister has decided to return from the important, Commonwealth conference this weekend in order to bask in the reflected glory should be seen for what it is. This is a man who once stated on radio how he recalled sitting in the Gallowgate end at St James’ watching his beloved Newcastle and Jackie Milburn scoring. The interviewer replied that he was a little surprised by this revelation as Milburn had retired when Blair was four and the Gallowgate didn’t have seating until the 1990s. Clearly the sort of trustworthy individual that statistics can create.

Posted December 8th 2003